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Finding One’s True Self
Often, we are saturated with self-centered pursuits that we are so distanced from God and others. The bubble of ego needs to be popped so that we are no longer confined to self-imposed prison of egomania.
In our highly politically charged city, we have huge egos. Having an ego is different finding the true self. Egomania is an obsessive preoccupation with one’s self, following one’s own ungoverned
impulses. On the other hand, finding one’s true self is a goal of authentic spirituality. Thomas Merton is known for this pursuit. He warns us that each of us is shadowed by an illusory person: a false self. This false and private self is the one who wants to exist outside the reach of God’s will and God’s love— outside of reality and outside of life. Obviously, this is an illusion. Merton states that to be a saint means to be my true self. Our sanctity and salvation is about “finding out who I truly am and of discovering my true self, my essence or core” (New Seeds of Contemplation).
Such is the grace of this Lenten season we are entering into. The traditional Lenten practice includes prayer, fasting, and almsgiving. We respond to the dialogue of salvation that God initiates with us by careful adhering to his Word. By being deprived of food, we discover that we are not all-powerful. We realize that we are often slaves to our bellies, to the opinions of others, to pleasure. We also consciously abstain from violence, injustice, vengeful thoughts, hatred and bigotry. We are in touch with our inner hunger for the bread from heaven. In deprivation, we feel the pain of starvation that so many people undergo every day. In almsgiving we recognize that all our possessions ultimately for common good. Hence sharing our blessings with the needy is simply a duty.
During Lent, we have the opportunity to hear voices that are usually lost in the din of pleasure and meaningless talk. We can enter into a private desert even in the midst of the world and face our own demons. If we are brave, we can run through this desert trying to find the real God amid the gods.
Jesus breaks the vicious cycle of temptation and sin by rejecting the opportunity to be the wrong kind of messiah and by overcoming evil with good. We are invited to go out to the desert to be with Jesus who was tempted and tested but did not sin. United with him, we overcome self-absorption and learn to practice mercy. With him we celebrate the victory of good over evil, hope over dread, and life over death. The season of Lent, therefore, is truly springtime for sinners.
Fr. Paul D. Lee